


Screw Up

by awgaskarth0805



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:42:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23899192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awgaskarth0805/pseuds/awgaskarth0805
Summary: Rian feels unconfident about his musical abilities, which ends up making the whole band mess up during a show.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Screw Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is a request, and set in the Don't Panic era!

“Rian, come on, man, the car is in front of the hotel, we have to leave for the radio station!” Alex yelled as he banged on the door to Rian’s hotel room.  
“Okay, I’ll be down in just a minute!” Rian yelled back. Rian got up from his bed with a sigh and walked over to where the door to his room was and looked into the mirror that was hanging by it.  
He tried to fix up his hair some, but immediately stopped when he looked himself in the eyes. As he started at his reflection, a bunch of negative thoughts started to flood his mind.  
You can’t really play the drums well.  
The whole band sounding good is totally dependent on you, and you always let everyone down.  
If the guys replaced you, the band would be stronger.  
You’re the least attractive member, that’s why fans don’t pay as much attention to you in meet and greets.  
These were just some of the thoughts that had been polluting Rian’s mind ever since he’d been woken up by the sun shining into his hotel room a couple hours earlier.  
Currently, the band was in New York City, about to officially kick off a North American tour to promote their new album, Don’t Panic. Today was their first official day back on the road, and to shake off the rust of not playing for a while, the four of them had secured a five-song set at a radio station for about thirty fans.  
They spent their last two weeks at home rehearsing for tour, all of them very eager to get out and play shows again. While he was excited, Rian was also incredibly nervous for the set that they were about to play. In rehearsal, Rian messed up the most, which left him feeling pretty bad about his musical abilities.  
He hadn’t told his bandmates about how he’d been feeling, not wanting to stress them out, and hoping that his negative thoughts would replace themselves with his usual confidence. The night before, this plan had actually started to work, but when he woke up, he immediately felt intense nerves, and his mind spiraled in a negative direction. He almost didn’t want to go play, but he knew that he didn’t really have a choice.  
After taking a deep breath, Rian walked out of his hotel room, then took the elevator down to the lobby. When the doors opened, he saw his friends sitting on a couch in the lobby, looking at something on Jack’s phone.  
“Man, that took you a long time up there, we’ve got to go! We’re supposed to be starting our set in half an hour!” Jack exclaimed, putting his phone away.  
“Sorry, I got side-tracked. I’m ready to go now,” Rian replied with a half-smile. The four of them quickly went outside and got into their car.  
During the drive, Alex, Zack, and Jack all talked about the things they did the night before, and they talked about how excited they were to promote their new album. Rian tried to talk some, not wanting his friends to think that something was off, but it was really hard for him to act like he was excited for their performance, when he really would’ve preferred to go back to his bed in the hotel, and obsessively criticize himself all day, since he thought that’s what he deserved.  
After a fifteen-minute car ride, the car pulled into the lot of the radio station that they were performing at.  
“We’re here! This is going to be so much fun!” Zack exclaimed, looking out the window of the car. After thanking their driver, the four of them quickly walked inside, meeting the producer of the radio show almost immediately.  
“I was beginning to think you boys weren’t going to show! Your cue is coming up in about ten minutes, your crew set up your instruments earlier today, so just stand by the stage entrance until you’re called out. Once your set is over, you can stay in the green room for the rest of the show. Good luck!” the producer explained, showing the boys where to wait before walking away to tend to something else.  
The four of them waited by the stage entrance, going over their setlist one last time so they were all on the same page. Rian could feel himself shaking with nerves, something that hadn’t happened to him since their early years as a band.  
Not much later, they were called out to the stage, and they took their places as the small crowd of fans cheered for them.  
“Hey guys, thanks for coming out! We’re All Time Low, and this is our first show on the Don’t Panic record cycle!” Alex said into his microphone, making the fans cheer louder.  
“Normally, small sets like this are acoustic, but we decided to play everything the way we normally would for today, so you guys are in for a treat!” Jack stated, earning more cheers.  
“That’s right, Jack. This first song is off of our new album, and it’s called Backseat Serenade! It goes like this!” Alex said, starting to play the song.  
Rian took a deep breath before starting to play his part, trying to wash away the negative thoughts. He played perfectly until the instrumental bridge, where he messed up the rhythm, which threw Jack off some. Luckily, Alex started to play Jack’s solo correctly, getting the band back on track for the rest of the song.  
Once they finished that song, they started into Somewhere in Neverland, which Rian played through perfectly. Throughout their last three songs, Rian messed up quite a bit, which threw off the whole band. Towards the end of Dear Maria, Alex shot a glare at Rian that made him want to run offstage and hide in the green room.  
As they finished out the song, the negative thoughts started to overwhelmingly flood Rian’s mind again, and they completely drowned out the cheers from the crowd once the song was over.  
“We’ve been All Time Low, thank you for coming out, and we hope to see you all tomorrow when we play our full set!” Alex exclaimed.  
While the other three interacted with the crowd some, Rian snuck offstage, and quickly made his way into the green room. He took a seat on the couch, and leaned back, shutting his eyes. As far back as he could remember, Rian couldn’t think of another show ever where he’d played as badly as he just had, and he was very nervous for what his band would have to say once they finally found him.  
Suddenly, Rian started to hear footsteps coming towards the green room, and the rest of the band walked in, all looking upset.  
“Dude, what the fuck was that?” Alex asked in a harsh tone.  
“Alex, chill, there’s a better way that we can go about this,” Jack tried.  
“No, I’m doing this my way. Rian, you messed up almost every song that we played, which made us all mess up. You’re supposed to be the one who holds us all together,” Alex started, as the three of them sat around the room. Rian knew that his friends were right, that this was all his fault, but he couldn’t help but be upset by Alex’s tone.  
“I did my best, Alex. It wasn’t perfect, and I’m sorry, but maybe you guys should learn to keep your shit together without leaning on me!” Rian shot back, looking away from his friends.  
“Rian, we’re the rhythm section, it’s our job to keep all of us together. Normally, you’re on it, what happened today?” Zack calmly asked, trying to ease the tension hanging over the room.  
“This can’t happen during the rest of the tour, dude. We literally rehearsed for this for the last two weeks, did everything just not connect for you somehow?” Alex snapped, still sounding angry.  
“Alex, will you just lay off of me? You’re not always perfect, either!” Rian stated.  
“That’s true, but I’ve never played as badly as you just did out there!” Alex exclaimed.  
As much as Rian wanted to counter what Alex had said, he knew he couldn’t. Alex was right, he’d never messed up as badly as Rian just had. Rian stayed silent as he looked down at his lap, his mind starting to flood him again.  
“Hey Rian, are you okay?” Zack asked, concern in his voice.  
“What’s wrong, dude? You’d normally argue with Alex over this kind of thing until you run out of shitty things to say to each other,” Jack pointed out.  
“It’s stupid, don’t worry about it. I’ll try to play better next time, I’m sorry about today,” Rian quietly said, still looking down. Alex got up from his chair and took a seat next to Rian on the couch.  
“Rian, what’s going on? I’m sorry I snapped like that, I shouldn’t have done that, but please let us help you with whatever’s going on,” Alex tried, looking at his friend.  
Rian looked up to see worried expressions on his friends’ faces, and he took a deep breath before speaking.  
“Well, when we had rehearsals back home, I kept fucking up, like, a lot more than you guys. After two weeks of that, I started to feel really unconfident about my musical abilities. Before we left the hotel to come here, I started to think about all of that again, which is what made me fuck up so badly during that set we just played,” Rian explained, sounding nervous.  
“We had no idea you felt like that, dude. Why didn’t you tell us? You know we would’ve done everything we could to get you feeling better about yourself before today,” Jack replied.  
“I don’t know, I didn’t want to place my problems on you guys. Also, I was hoping that I’d be able to handle this on my own. I figured that I’d fuck up some today, but I didn’t think it would be as bad as it was, and that you all would be so thrown off by it,” Rian admitted.  
“I understand not wanting to burden others with your problems, we all know I’ve done that a lot over the years but keeping stuff like this bottled up will always bite you in the ass,” Alex stated.  
“Rian, you’re one of the best drummers out there. We all think you’re great, as do the fans. We’ll help you out of this rut,” Zack promised.  
“Thanks, that means a lot. Sorry again about today, I can’t believe that I screwed up so badly,” Rian replied.  
“Well, today’s set is past us now, so we have to keep moving forward. Things will go better tomorrow night,” Jack assured with a smile.  
“Jack’s right, tomorrow will be different. I’m really sorry for snapping at you like that, I shouldn’t have done that. I think that was just the perfectionist in me being an asshole,” Alex replied, sounding a bit guilty.  
“Oh, I know it was. Thanks for helping me feel a bit better about everything,” Rian said to his friends.  
“No problem. Now, I think we should all go do something fun to get Rian’s mind in a better place,” Zack decided.  
“I know what we should do! We should go out for dinks and bowling, just the four of us!” Jack exclaimed.  
“What do you think, Rian?” Alex asked.  
“Hell yeah, let’s do it!” Rian said with a smile.  
“The car just got here, so let’s go!” Jack replied, standing up and bolting out of the room, Zack following closely behind him. Alex tapped Rian’s shoulder as they stood up.  
“Rian, I am really sorry about freaking out on you. You’re a great drummer, all musicians have off days, and I should’ve tried to help you, not tear you down,” Alex stated.  
“I appreciate you saying that, and I’ll let all of the stuff you said earlier slide,” Rian said.  
“Really? You’re being really cool about that,” Alex said, sounding surprised.  
“Well, I’ll let it slide, as long as you’re cool with the fact that I’m totally going to kick your ass in bowling!” Rian exclaimed, laughing some.  
“Oh, you’re so on, Dawson!” Alex stated, as the two of them ran towards the car, ready for their evening of fun.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is a request for someone on my Tumblr! Most of my stories have Alex or Jack as the focal character, so it was fun to write a story that revolved around Rian this time! I got a couple requests that are very different from what I normally write, and I'm very excited to write and share them with you guys! The fic that will be going up Thursday is a huge change from what I've normally written, but I'm excited to share it with you guys! As always, if you have a request, send it in! I think I've mentioned this, but I decided on a posting schedule, so I'll need requests to maintain that! I hope you all liked this fic, and I'll be back with another on Thursday! Lots of love, Liv.


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